One, Two, Free...
I have been wanting to write for so long, but nothing was coming through. I paid attention today while meditating and realized that the actual thought of me writing was the actual block. I just held on to that feeling questioning, why is it a block? Is the act of writing itself the block? Is it my critical mind playing tricks on me, making me think I am literally "out of words"?
I decided to write out what my actual thoughts were, as they were happening: observing them, allowing them to flow. The more I wrote, the faster they came through, the harder it was for me to keep up with typing the words that were pouring out.
The wisdom that came through that experience was simply "taking the first step" and the rest will follow. The first step is the hardest. The first step can also be the second and third and fiftieth step. The trust and courage of just taking that first action. Thinking of the outcome often freezes me from starting. I invite you to put the pen unto the paper, exhale and let the words come through, the art flow, the markings appear on the paper, the first step of a journey. Just that.
Make the mark, to be able to "observe" and learn from it.
Now after taking the first step, the channels of the flow open. There was space for more to come in after the stagnation began moving. After taking that one step forward, I was able to observe and look back at the steps I had taken. Without judgement, like watching a movie, I began watching my reel of memories. I became more aware of the concept of time. I noticed how relative it is. It flies at moments, and barely passes at other times. Then there were time counters observed through Nature's wisdom. Sun rising and setting, shadows being cast, moon phases and cycles, seasons and the changing colors.
I then became aware of special dates and events that mark my timeline, my life's journey. Stations that pause time for me as soon as I am aware of them. Some days are more significant than others. Those are often on the calendars that remind us of birthdays. Birthdays of babies who are ever growing so fast, birthdays of loved ones celebrating in the heavens, my own trip on Earth cycling around the Sun.
Becoming more aware of my finiteness; I remembered the importance of witnessing. Witnessing the self and the importance of reflection. I had recently read, if a person spends his whole life doing without reflecting on their performance or actions, how can they improve? Before the day is over, before I fall asleep, I am trying to pick up the habit of revisiting my day. What good have I done today? Have I wronged anyone? How can I improve tomorrow?
This again took me back to the beginning, to "taking the first step"; closing the loop. However, hopefully this cyclical movement doesn't keep going back to the same spot, but maybe a step higher? A day older, hopefully inkling wiser or kinder? I imagine it as a spiral, a staircase; taking a step forward and reflecting on the ones taken, celebrating the dates and events that occur and reoccur on my journey. May we keep gaining awareness to live our lives more consciously and fully, supporting those who are growing and honoring those who have transitioned.